Even the Sidewalk Could Tell: How I Came Out to my Wife, Three Children and the World - Alon Ozery on being authentically naked

20 Nov 2021 - illustrations/photo courtesy of Alon Ozrey

Even though Alon Ozery is a complete stranger, when I begin an interview it quickly becomes more of a conversation, his voluble charm aided by the faint trace of an accetn. Having read his book Even the Sidewalk Could Tell: How I Came Out to my Wife, Three Children and the World, I feel that I already know him. It is a cliché and a bad pun, but Ozery is an open book. My first line of inquiry is how he envisions the book. I found it, despite the title, more of a general self-help manual than a coming out story. Ozery delightedly tells me that Even the Sidewalk Could Tell, just released, is not only #1 on Amazon's 'LGBTQ2S+ Nonfiction' bestseller list, it is also #1 in 'Emotions & Feelings Parenting eBooks' and  'Counselling Reference.' He says, "I'm very happy because I don't want to be limited."

Ozery explains that "the coming out story isn't the main message." The book is aimed at "30 to 50-year-olds that aren't authentic." The word 'authentic' recurs in Even the Sidewalk Could Tell as Ozery recounts his journey, from childhood, of trying to find how to become his true self. The coming out portion doesn't begin until halfway through the book, not until Ozery has overcome shyness, a fear of public speaking and social interaction, bouts of anxiety, and a horrific move to the suburbs. For Ozery, acknowledging his sexuality was a root problem, "for others it is different. But no matter how hard, and it was really hard, if I could, then others can. Gay doesn't define me unless I repress it. If I embrace it and live it, it becomes part of me. I also like coffee, croissants and laughter."

Throughout Even the Sidewalk Could Tell, Ozery's curiosity and drive lead him to a multitude of therapies, theories and seminars as he works his way towards authenticity. "I went with a friend to a memoir writing workshop," he says. "I thought we would sit and learn how to write but instead it was discussions about what you have to tell the world. How to write as if no-one is reading." He began writing. "It was cathartic. Two hours felt like five minutes. The words started flowing." At first the words formed into stories, "I was not intending to write a book," but eventually it became so all encompassing that he took a sabbatical from his work at the Ozery Bakery and Parallel Brothers, the businesses his family founded and run. Throughout Even the Sidewalk Could Tell, Ozery recounts his entrepreneurial bent, his writing got the same treatment. "I got professional help," he says thanking his editor and publishing company. It worked as Even the Sidewalk Could Tell is a smooth read and slickly put together while still maintaining Ozery's distinctive voice.

But I can't help wondering if he is being a little disingenuous. I tell him I have read thousands of coming out stories and what is different about his is the lack of subtext and foreshadowing. Ozery thinks for a second before wading in. "I've had partners who knew from age 11," he says. But for himself, "It was always there but it wasn't defined. My brain works in a way that if I don't have proof, then it's not there. I wasn't living a double life. It existed in the background, I hadn't had an experience so it wasn't real." He then reminisces about his British grandmother's "poof" neighbours but says he was "more interested in the Kit Kat bar on her counter." He also references the Mr Humphries character in Are You Being Served?, "I liked the show but had zero in common with him." However Ozrey also says, and Even the Sidewalk Could Tell subtly confirms, "I was repressing things on all levels, trying to live the life I thought I should. I wasn't living in my own skin."

Much later in the conversation he tells of a waiter he worked with as a teenager. A waiter who was a vibrant and out gay man. When Ozrey returns from his obligatory stint in the Israeli army, the waiter "was on his death bed from HIV. It probably stopped me from experiencing gay sex. Even today I'm super vigilant. I had my slut mode, true, but that image was always in my mind. If I had come out at 18 would I be alive today?" That helps explains why Ozrey suddenly, on page 102 of Even the Sidewalk Could Tell, finds himself watching gay pornography. But a self-help book, a memoir, coming out and a life, are all works in progress. Ozrey tells me about his recent researches into becoming authentic, some hair-raising, and we both agree that a second volume is going to be necessary. "You need to go through to keep going," he says. "You can't run away from a threat, it might be the thing you need to embrace."

Ozrey may have worked, and be working, hard on his own true self but he is keenly aware of its effect on others. His big "terrifying" fear in coming out was not the possibility of not being able to live under the same roof as his children. But the kids are all right. His two sons helped "haul chairs and arrange the room" for his book launch, and were "mesmerized by the questions during the Q&A." His daughter and ex-wife prefer to remain private and a good chunk of the first draft included more material about his marriage. "There was a lot about how we met. She was portrayed in a positive way but she asked to be taken out. Ninety percent is gone." It should be noted that "portrayed in a positive way" is an understatement, Ozrey's love and respect for his family suffuses the pages and much of his distress is created by wanting to cause them distress.

Despite being the public face of two companies and hosting a podcast, he understands the desire for privacy. "Even three weeks ago" he wasn't sure if he was ready for the public attention necessary to sell books. He panicked that "all of Thornhill will know" when Chapters Indigo ordered copies of the book for their stores. "Now I standing naked in front of the country. It took a few days but now I'm here and I'm naked. A friend gave me good advice. He said, 'Stop worrying about what people think about you, just show up with love and curiosity.'" The coming out process never ends. As Ozery explains, he has two very important reasons to sell as many copies of Even the Sidewalk Could Tell as he can. "One, half the money goes to Friends of Ruby [friendsofruby.ca] and, two, people can read to find areas that need adjusting, find happiness. To break free of the expectations placed on them by others and find their true self."  Everyone has some form of coming out to accomplish to become authentic.