The top 100 of 2024 aka longing for the '70s

13 Jan 2025 -
Billie Eilish photo by Condé Nast (through Vogue Taiwan);
Doja Cat photo By 7EVENSIQS on YouTube;

It’s January, and every year I spend a few days listening to the Top 100 hits of the previous year, and what did I learn? That most current music can be divided into several uncreative vocal styles. With the men, it’s either passionate groaning or confrontational rap. With women, it’s almost entirely slutty baby girl voice. Either way, it leaves me longing for the '70s.

The first four songs, from Teddy Swims, Shaboozey, Benson Boone and Post Malone, all sound like they are the same guy. Same with the girls. I can’t tell the difference between Ariana Grande, Sabrina Carpenter, or Taylor Swift. And I hate rap, especially anything that uses the n-word, so I skipped awful songs by Future and Drake and Nicki Minaj. The only song in the top ten that I like is Hozier’s "Too Sweet," with its simplistic  but instantly memorable bass riff and a truly gorgeous vocal. It keeps floating through my head. Probably the best song of the year so far. But let’s keep going. 

There are always lots of sad achy breaky country tunes with lonesome dudes expressing regret for treating their women real bad or something like that. Or else the vocal is a big, chesty, shit-kicking howl about something or other. God, Americans are so full of posturing. There’s hardly an honest sentiment in the entire Top 100. I suspect most of this stuff is meant to get drunk to, or fight to, or fuck to, but none of it feels authentic. “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” was more heartfelt. 

I notice a lot of songs with irritating vocal samples that are repeated ad nauseam as though they were part of a chorus or something. I have to blame today’s producers, so lazy. The worst one is "redrum" by 21 Savage with a weird ethereal vocal hook repeated about ten million fucking times, so irritating. I always have to skip that one. I also skip the painful "fukumean" by Gunna with some girl saying ‘diup’ over and over again until you want to commit murder. Maybe that’s the intent. Music to make you want to kill. It sure isn’t fun to sing along to. 

So thank God for Billie Eilish. I really hate the way she dresses, drowning in oversize shapeless clothing (Mr. Blackwell would have a field day with her), but the girl does have a sweet soft voice and it’s hard not to love her three songs on the chart, "Birds of a Feather," "Lunch" and "Wildflower." Another girl song I like is Doja Cat’s "Paint the Town Red," which uses a sample of "Walk On By." “Bitch, I said what I said, I’d rather be famous instead,” she raps before breaking into a cool chorus about a devil and a rebel and a pedal. But was it necessary to repeat the phrase “Walk on by” every five seconds?

I have to wonder, why are there two songs, by Eminem and Dua Lipa, both called Houdini? Is someone making a biopic? 

But the one song that really stood out was Kendrick Lamar’s "euphoria." It’s his diss at Drake, and since I’m no fan of Drake, I took perverse pleasure in the torrent of juvenile hatred pouring out of Kendrick’s mouth. “I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk, I hate the way that you dress,” and so on. No mincing words here. 

Listening to all 100 songs is dreary indeed, almost hazardous to one’s health. I’ll tell you what’s not on the list. There are no real dance songs, and nothing is humorous, no “Jeremiah was a bullfrog." I really do miss the '70s.