Sharron and George’s Super Fun Christmas Sing-A-Long meets the Grinch

by Drew Rowsome

In the hectic run-up to the holiday season all the regular MyGayToronto staff was bitching about Scrooge-like conditions and being over-worked, so we had to bring in some extra grinchpower to get all the stories and interviews done. Because Sharron Matthews is a constant ray of sunshine who overflows with Christmas cheer and zeal - as does her partner in crime, carols and life, George Masswohl (but then he really doesn’t have much choice) – we felt safe assigning the slightly less festive Ichabod Euchariah Grinch to get all the dirt on the upcoming Sharron and George’s Super Fun Christmas Sing-A-Long.

Ichabod Euchariah Grinch: How does one make all those treacly carols and nasty novelty songs associated with Christmas fresh and palatable for the human ear?

Sharron & George: Doesn't matter!  No one's listening.  They're all busy singing along!  And the booze and free cookies really really help.

Considering the two of you have such dulcet and, ahem, domineering voices, do people actually get to “sing-a-long?” Are the song sheets for those too full of Christmas spirits to remember the words?  

You've nailed it, El Grincho! It's a good old fashioned, if somewhat irreverent, sing-a-long - just like when you were a kid in your school's front rotunda - but without the fear and self-loathing . . . and eventual humiliation. We'll be there to lead the less gregarious, but it's all about raising our voices together. And the booze. And the free cookies. 

The list of guest stars - Louise Pitre, Joe Matheson, Thom Allison, Micah Barnes, Bruce Dow, Bravura, Gavin Crawford, Joni Henson, Lisa Atkinson and Virginia Hatfield – is formidable. What sexual favours or bribes did you have to promise in order to ensure their co-operation?  What safeguards have you put in place to prevent any upstaging (especially by that attention-whore Thom Allison)?

"Have to" promise?  Are you kidding?  Did you read that list?? We are happy to tangle with any of them at any time. Truth. See?  That's the trick, our beautiful guests take over the stage between sing-a-long segments. Gives everyone a chance to rest their voices, lubricate their vocal folds, and be entertained by some of the finest entertainers this god-forsaken country has every seen, or heard. or, you know, they are friggen awesome! But if anyone get's in our light: we cut them. Also truth.

I’m not familiar with “country raconteur” John Austin. Is he more Willie Nelson or early Taylor Swift? Or, we can pray, Dolly Parton-esque? Or did auto-correct misconstrue your typing of “cunty rap artist?”

No misspellings here, Grinchie. John is a lovably cantankerous southern belle, with just the right stuff to make your belly jiggle like a bowl of jelly while simultaneously slow-roasting your cockles. He's been with us every year! And he loves Dolly Parton. Like loves her. It is freaky how much he loves her . . .

Is it true that you force guest artists The Christmas Carols to hit those high notes by roasting their chestnuts over an open fire?

See above.  John Austin warms those chesnuts up for us! 

What will Sharron be wearing? Now that Joan Rivers is dead, calculatedly daring couture risks can be taken without fear and we are all quivering in anticipation.

That's this year's new wrinkle. It's a Christmas pajama party! We'll be in the hottest glama-jamas coupons can buy! Sequins and sweat pant material, that has to be a good combination, right? Who gives a fuck? She is gonna look awesome in flannel.

What kinds of cookies is George baking (again we’re quivering)? Can we see a photo of him in an apron? In only an apron.

His family's favourite Santa face cookies will highlight the cookie table once again, but revellers are strongly encouraged to bring a dozen or so as well.  It's an exchange, really.  We'll have baggies on hand so they can take some home. (Re the apron pic: Check your inbox)

This is the third year that the show is at Buddies, queer mecca of Canada. How will you two gay up Christmas? Or should we be working on putting Christ back in Christmas?

Did Christmas get less gay when we weren't looking??  Well, we'll set that straight,er, set that right.
And let us not start that with that Jesus. Poor thing.

The press release says “ALL of the Christmas songs you know and love . . . ALL!!” Promise or threat? How long is this thing anyway? Will you be singing “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer?” “Walkin’ ‘Round in Women’s Underwear?” “Back Door Santa?” “Frosty the Pervert?” “Homo Christmas?” I have more requests . . .  No matter how filthy or obscure a song anyone finds, I have no doubt that Sharron’s rendition, or George’s, or even more likely Thom Allison’s, of “Santa Baby” will be everyone’s new favourite salacious XXXmas anthem.

"Back Door Santa." That is the best ever. Those are ALL excellent suggestions. Why Grinch, I didn't know you knew so many songs about Christmas. I thought you were always too busy this time of year ruining it for everyone. Now, what was the question?

Will it be possible to sing “Baby It’s Cold Outside” in a post-Ghomeshi/Cosby world?

Oh Ebenezer.  Let us banish such unpleasantness for just a few hours and enjoy the warm spirit of Christmas in the company of kindred spirits. And there is no way those f'ers will even be a part of this amazing night. F'ers.

How does Christmas music make your heart grow three sizes? I think I could use that information . . .

Why Grinch, come find out! We'll enlarge your heart. Soothe it. Rub it and stuff it with sugarplums and candy canes!