Paris 05:59 Theo & Hugo is a new gay film from France, told in real time, so the entire film takes place over a continual 95 minutes. It begins in a sex club. The throbbing music, the naked Frenchmen, the sordid seedy look of the red lights, really turned me on. You don't even hear a line of dialogue for the first 15 minutes, just men having hard core sex. And it's a good thing, too, because I just finished blowing a gasket over another Facebook post in which some millennial gaytard called someone else an "old white queen" over this fucking Pride/BLM/cops bullshit. But I digress.
Paris 05:59 is a weird new hybrid - it's porn/not porn, containing hardcore sex scenes but packaged like a regular feature film. Would it pass the test for public exhibition? We will never know, as it, like so many other gay feature films, never play Cineplex. It's just as well - you can't jerk off in a Cineplex.
So once the 20 minute orgy that opens the film is over, we get down to the romance, with a bike ride through the Paris streets at 4:47am. But when the bottom finds out that the top fucked him without a rubber, he goes nuts because the bottom is positive and worries he might have passed it on to the top.
By 5:02 they check into the hospital emergency ward. An annoying old man keeps telling them to stop using their cell phones. He's so hammy I figured he might be one of the film's producers. The boys go in for treatment, which means taking a lot of pills and blood tests. They've known each other less than an hour and they've already endured both the greatest passion and a life-threatening situation. Is that, I wonder, the point the director is trying to make? That as gay men, we start where everyone else ends off?
Now that the panic's over, they walk home, chatting happily and getting to know each other. They're both cute guys, but they are totally upstaged by the beauty of the city. This movie makes you long for Europe. Eventually, they end up at the top's apartment, where they fool around and then get dressed again to go to the bottom's apartment. And by then it's 05:59, so that means the movie is over. Paris 05:59 Theo & Hugo is a charming love story, and a good looking movie, well worth checking out.