Stop the Stupid Face!
28 Jul 2019.

I joined a Facebook group called Hairy Men and it is exactly what it says it is. Hundreds of photos of men with facial hair and body hair, mostly younger caucasian hunks. I suspect most of them are models of some sort. A few of the pics are from Instagram show-offs. There’s even a few recognizable local boys. I love it. It’s hard to be critical when most of the guys are quite simply spectacular.

Lack of diversity aside, leave it to me to find something to complain about. I call it: The Stupid Face. You've seen it. It’s when the guy looks in the camera and twists a dimple to just one side. Its like making a Popeye face. They’re trying to look extra cute but instead they look idiotic and smug. And it has to stop. 

To the best of my knowledge, the Stupid Face did not exist before the emergence of the selfie. It seems the mere act of looking into a cell phone camera, usually while flexing in the bathroom mirror, required a special, new and improved facial expression for the Age of Narcissism. One that says, "I am fucking hot." Hence, a sideways smirk on a bearded mug. "Woof," as the kids might say. 

Not since the poppers ban have I felt the activist inside me rising up to fight. Because I care about handsome men. I want them to be as gorgeous as possible, and the only way to do that is to stop making faces. Stop with the tongues hanging out, stop with the duck lips, and especially stop with the Stupid Face. Just stare into the lens and let the camera do the rest.

Because a picture is worth a thousand words, here’s a few thousand words proving how irritating the Stupid Face can be. All of these guys are varying degrees of hot. But the one consistent thing is that moronic facial expression. I just hope that by bringing awareness to the world’s worst facial pose, we can put a quick and total end to it.