All Male, All Nude all sales pitch
27 Aug 2019.

All Male, All Nude: Johnsons is a documentary about a strip club. The main dude is a butch guy named Matt Colunga who runs a “gay Cheers” called Johnsons in Wilton Manors, Florida. Matt started his career on the pole, at a place called Swinging Richards. He also DJ’d. Everything Matt Colunga says sounds like a sales pitch. He means business, and the footage, scored with wretched dance music, suggests that his club rocks. The whole movie is like one big commercial for Johnsons. As far as commercials go, it’s very entertaining. 

Lots of gay men absolutely hate gay strip clubs, because they feel like all they do is exploit gay men’s lust. Yes and sometimes, you just need to let that lust out. But the gay men of Wilton Manors also enjoy Johnsons as just another gay bar, a welcoming place. The whole tone of All Male, All Nude: Johnsons is refreshingly nonjudgemental, and I enjoy that for a documentary, it is not above turning you on. I especially liked the cute Latin stripper who was also an art gallery owner. He equates the two businesses. An artist and a stripper? Husband material. 

Johnsons dancers can’t show cocks or butt holes though 10 years ago, at Swinging Richards which was in Fort Lauderdale, anything went. I am pleased to report that this is a documentary about male strippers that is not coy about showing penises, at least in the archival footage. However it isn’t particularly gratuitous, either. Footage of hot strippers is basically all you get in this movie. No one says anything revelatory, and there is virtually no conflict - no ruthless cops or angry neighbours, although in the final stretch, we find out the club gets pressured by silly by-laws, usually minor annoyances like not being able to park in the empty field next to the building. Then there’s a flush of remorse-tinged testimonials, the inevitable ‘cautionary tale’ section. Don’t blame Matt Colunga. He actually chokes back a sob thinking about some of the bad boys he has known.

All Male, All Nude: Johnsons was directed and everything elsed by Gerald McCulloch (Bobby Dawson on CSI) and featuring a score by Corey TuT. It will receive its world premiere on September 15 at the OUTshine Film Festival in Fort Lauderdale, followed by a hot party at Johnsons, and, I assume, will also be available on various platforms soon afterwards.

A final bit of advice, however, to the film’s distributor: Breaking Glass Pictures, I don’t know if you read my reviews, but may I suggest that you get rid of that obnoxious gigantic watermark? The words “Property of breaking glass pictures for screening purposes only” dominate the lower third of the screen. It’s transparent, but still oh so noticeable. In fact, my eyes keep going to it, and sometimes I forget about the movie I am supposed to be watching. Try a tiny more discreet watermark tucked neatly into a bottom corner or, in the future, I won’t be watching any more of your screeners.