For the last decade I have been an activist. Not for social justice - there are already enough of them running around tearing down statues - but for poppers. Yes, poppers, that stuff you sniff before bottoming. Back in 2013, the morons at Health Canada issued a total ban on poppers being sold in Canada. Why? Who knows? Those of us who use poppers know better than to drink the stuff, and we also know that it is not addictive or even all that toxic. The ban was sudden, stupid, and severe. Frankly, I saw it as nothing less than a war on bottoms.

So you can imagine how delighted I was to be strolling down the street on Pride Day and chanced upon the booth for Yush Yush, “a Canadian company that creates lifestyle goodies that enhance intimate play for the LGBTQ+ community.” (Can’t anyone just use the term ‘gay men’ anymore?) Anyway, they have created a bottle cap-type device that prevents spillage and delivers a proper-sized dose of the stuff, like a jigger does with liquor. They call it the Popper Inhaler Cap, and the best thing is that you can use it with just one hand, leaving the other hand free to do whatever it is doing with one’s own junk or someone else’s junk. This is great, but poppers are very hard to find. The charming hot boy working the Yush Yush booth slyly suggested that some local retailers sell poppers under the counter, which is good news. We need acts of defiance in the face of intolerance and repression. How many times can I say, “Fuck Health Canada!” in one day? Many. 

The Inhaler Cap somewhat resembles a butt plug, so try not to confuse it with one. It is made of black rubber and screws directly onto one’s bottle of Rush. Delighted, I went home to check out the company’s bright and colourful website. They claim that a third of sexually active gay men use poppers while having fun. That’s over 100,000 men who have to find their poppers through mail order or cross-border travel or some other illegal means. Wouldn’t it make more sense to lift the ban, which promotes unsafe use of potentially dated or dangerous products? Does Health Canada have anything approaching common sense?

In any event, as we sit here stewing about the USA rescinding a woman’s right to choose what happens to her own body, we gay men who like poppers are being treated like children by our own government. So again how many times a day can I say, “Fuck Health Canada?” As often as I have to. Because that’s what an activist does.