Rolyn Chamber's guide for the frugal but not Scrooge-like - Rolyn Chambers - Deeper dish - MyGayToronto
Rolyn Chamber's guide for the frugal but not Scrooge-like 5 December 2017.
Is money tight? Got a super schlong shopping list? Or maybe some on that list who are only worth a few dollars. Whatever your situation, let MGT help you cheaply cross everyone, naughty or nice, off your Christmas list. Put some shades on boys, we're slum shopping at Dollarama!
FOR THE KINKSTER-$16.25
•Dog food clips - perfect for salty nipple play, and keeping their Doritos fresh after
•Prince Paddle - why play ping-pong when they can use this to whack a dong?
•Thick woven nylon leash - stylish in black and even vegan friendly
•Fly swatter - they'll be able to swat asses, even after mosquito season
•Multipurpose ties, Duramax straps and Pro ratchet straps - the perfect bondage starter kit, all colour coordinated in black
•Duramax kneepads - like a boy scout, they'll be prepared, indoors and out
•Mini orange pylons - ass play that will be sure to stop traffic
•Disney Princess juice box holder - pink and pretty, the perfect selfie accessory (also holds a mickey of Fireball snugly)
•Crayola brand nail polish - to brighten the nails used to post that selfie to Instagram
•Outerware pride flag martini glasses - when their Cosmo needs a bit more punch
•Pussy coin purse - for all those "receipts" they'll be busy collecting while gathering gossip
•Old Saint Nic paintable wooden mask - a back-up plan in case their fake ID fails
•A "Trash Can" labeled trash can containing:
•Toilet scrubber - to scrub out their cheating hole
•Bleach - to sanitize their cheating hole
•Bathtub plug - to help their hole from falling onto other men's penises, again
•Dummy security camera - cause he never goes out and insists people are out to get him
•Sweater wrapped mug and Swiss Miss instant hot chocolate - so he can sit at home with a warm mug and complain about how bad humanity is getting (also so he can say, "Swiss Miss Bish")
•Religious candles with rainbow flag border - now he can pray to the gay gods that the world will become less offensive
THE DRAG WANNABE-$12.25
•Dust Blaster - just aim and press, perfect for getting drunken idiots off their stage
•Table covering (various patterns) - it's like fabric, but cheaper, and wipeable
•Skate protectors - for those long winter treks home in heels
•12" chocolate foil twoonies - once upon a time drag queens were tipped one and two dollar bills . . . maybe this will make up for it. Or they can just eat it
•Magnifying glass with LED lights - perfect for dark room penis inspection
•Dinosaur grabber - when he's on his knees sucking off someone and sees another penis prospect out of reach this handy device will assure no crotch gets away
•Wine bottle tags - after each "bottle," has been drained during an orgy, they can use them to tag them as, "DONE"
•Betty Crocker Mug Warmer - buy two to keep their buttocks warm for their next top who is only 30 minutes away on Grindr
•Jurassic Egg & various Dog Toy Bones - in case Grindr top can't make it, these should help fill the void
•Mint julep cup - because, Scarlett, every good party begins with a Mint Julep on the veranda
•Starlight projector - turns at home celestial clubland experiences into teaching moments. "There's Uranus!"
•Pet treat launcher - to be filled with capsules of Molly or bags of coke and create an after party game for all the good little girls and boys
•Tea strainer - perfect for portable coke crushing
•AIM Dental Floss - remove dental floss, fill bottom areas with your stash, replace dental floss, sneak into club, party, floss
Lastly, package everything up in "borrowed" Holt Renfrew bags. Happy Holidays!