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My Gay Toronto - MGT Hot Topic

Turn a dating disaster into a dealmaker
By Alex Matveeva - Let'z TO

So a girl just asked you out on a date and yet you tell her you'd prefer to talk for a little longer before meeting to see if you connect well. Let me stop you right there, don't do it, don't wait!

Online dating has become hard for women. We are not necessarily attracted to someone solely based on looks and I think we can all agree that communicating through text is night and day compared to an in-person interaction. Let's talk about what's really stopping you from going on that date! Is it the fear that the date will turn out bad? Maybe you want to gauge how you will interact so you want to text a little first. Well, it's time to leave all that behind. I am a lesbian, I've gone on plenty of dates with women and I LOVE terrible dates! Let me explain.

First dates are awkward, no matter how great of a texter you thought you were, inevitably you will have an awkward moment during your first date. But it's what you do with that moment that counts. It gives you the ability to reflect right there and then what is awkward about the situation. Is it the silence? What's making you feel like you can't be silent for a moment though? Can this awkwardness be attributed solely to the fact that you're nervous or is there more to this?

Sharing an experience that doesn't go according to a plan may also get you through that initial awkward stage of the date so you can have more time getting to know the other person instead of focusing too much on where your hands should go while she's talking. But sharing something, maybe even having an inside joke so early on, is the fastest way to feeling a little closer to the other person and seeing them, not their nervousness.

Let's say something terrible happens, like a waiter who spills water on you and then proceeds to forget half your order and the kitchen overlooks your meat. Terrible right? By now you probably feel like you need to cover your face and run away from your date, not like you're ever going to see them again, right? Wrong! This is the best time to see how the other person handles it! If they decide to take the situation and make it their own, then it's brilliant! You will always have a story to tell, maybe you'll end up prancing around downtown with two cloth napkins wrapped around like a skirt, or maybe you'll pack up your dinner and give it to the less fortunate on the street. Or maybe your date will call the waiter and demand they redo the whole operation. The point here is, you will get to see if they will react to the negative situation the same you do, or at least in a way that is compatible with you.

When we are on dates we tend to be careful about what we say and how we act. We want to impress the other person and often put our best foot forward. It often happens without us even noticing. But it's during the interactions with the world outside of your date that we stop focusing so much attention on us and just react to the situation at hand. It is in those same terrible dates that you get to see the other person for what they are, nervousness aside! Whether they are easy going and it matches your vibe or maybe they are so easygoing that it drives you a little crazy!

 

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